A Conflicted Contradiction


I wonder how long will it take for them to realize I am not who they think I am. 

I am not the perfect daughter or the lazy innocent girl my family thinks I am. I am neither the bubbly, out going teen nor the loner that my ‘friends’ and acquaintances think I am. I can’t be described as nice or naughty.

I am a complete contrast of different personalities; I can not stay as one person for too long. 

I don’t do the things I am told to do yet I feel a need to complete the tasks given to me. 

I am an obedient rebel. A person whose mind is filled with so many thoughts it could fill up the solar system, scratch that, the universe. 

I seem to know a lot of things yet I know nothing. 

I can’t understand and I can’t differentiate between reality and delusions and truthfully I am okay with that.

I do not know what is going to happen in the future; I have plans and dreams but right now I honestly don’t want to anything to achieve them and live for the moment.

My mind is a paradox. I want to be happy yet I think of things that make me sad. I reject affection when it comes my way but I crave it. I’m ambitious yet lazy. I love who I am yet I don’t like myself. I really care but I say I don’t.